Leaving work I noticed the sun rise.  I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I have noticed one. Then as my ears where filled with beautiful keys of a piano I also noticed the flock of birds,  so gracefully flying in the sky. The golden sun was my peace my moment with my coffee and cigarette after a long night at work. As I knew to enjoy the moment for every thing it’s worth because the chaos of my house was right around the corner,  and with that comes anxiety in my bittersweet moments of being a mother. Why was the most important thing in my life the hardest parts to live through? How could I miss them all so bad to only cringe at the thought of endless questions, crying, and just wanting me? Why did I crave to be alone but when I am I just want them? Maybe I will never know exactly why my mind and my emotions are so far from insynce it’s ridiculous hopefully one day they will be… unil then I will find joy in the chaos

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