Always some kind of obstacle in life i guess i am getting use to that now. It’s either something on the outside or something on the inside. I feel like the mad hatter inside and i am forever in acting role of what normal is supposed to be like. I started working at a hospital.. a psychiatric hospital how ironic right. They really make me appear sain. Although the medication regulation helps as well. I can say i have yet to go ballistic since my birthday on 4/29 which is a huge deal.  My current obstacle is my own fears at my current place of employment maybe the isolation of my last job has caused some social anxiety. I am hoping that it will pass. Expectations of what i pictured it to be like and what it really is… the mad hatter it’s only been two days…. Expectations and time those are always the ever so present internal obstacles in my life… and Fear… i have ignored her to the point where she merely peeks her annoying nag at me and then with no engagement will disappear as fast as she came. I have a long journey yet my journey to this point has been quite a distance and endured a lot of pain to get where i stand today. I feel as if my journey of darkness is gone and the light will always out shine the dark.. praying having faith and allowing God to control the problems at hand instead of the three infamous F’S Freaking out..Flipping out and Falling Apart. it has been my experience thus far God does a way better job working it out and he always always works it out to be something good. Maybe it’s a dream but i am happy and i hope for some more days like today where it all goes wrong and i don’t have to have a ” Jessica Moment” i make the most of what i got in-front of me, trust God and find gratitude.

Have I Gone Mad? I am Afraid So. You’re Entirely Bonkers. But I Will Tell You a Secret. All The Best People Are – Alice and The Mad Hatter




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