I’m trying stop it but the spinning won’t quit, the noise won’t stop. I’m running away to place deep inside no one can reach. It’s safe, safe from the thoughts. It doesn’t matter who I am there no one is there it’s quiet and dark it’s still from any movment at all ,it’s familiar. Delusion like a acid trip I can’t tell what my eyes see, is the moving real, what are all these questions one after another after another I just say ya to everything, wait what. What am I doing what’s real grab hold your flying away grab a hold of something. Snap out of it.  What just happened…. I hear trees water…. oh God snap out of it.  I want it stop my grasp for reality pulls me back too, but the thoughts repeatedly coming the same as always the fears are my ball and chain they hold me prisoner within my own mind.  Keeping me from where I’m destined to go,  why?  I want to be free break away and breath, breaths of peace no more spinning and spinning just a little control just a small wave of gentle salt water and a ocean breeze not a the tidal wave that lives inside of me.  Maybe the screams and tears will release and expose what’s real certainly life can’t be as bad as what I feel,  inside of me is a aching a longing for a peace that comes when you sit with a willow tree, the long yellow grass and blue bonnets are what I want to see with my back against a aged willow tree, a book of old poetry just me and the serenity of this moment to last, where all my fears and worries have suspassed. I can live in this place it’s barried so deep inside which makes me think maybe it’s from another time,  a time I lived before this life here.  I’m trapped in a future hell with no way to get back.  Maybe this is why I love the show flash….

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