2016-01-25-12.26.22.jpg.jpgPeople will not understand your pain, your past. Being empathic doesn’t make you truly understand. It’s time to let go,  let go of my past, let go of what happened to daughter. It’s time I physically cannot go on like  this.  The knots in my stomach haven’t left in over two weeks. I’ve created an internal poison of pain, grief and hatred and it is consuming me.  But how do you even begin to let go,  how do you tell your self enough is enough? Why does everyone around that see’s you destroying yourself believe logically that that’s so easy to do? I’m hoping to mentally envision myself letting go.  I’m hoping to brake the chain that is holding onto the heaviest weight of pain and free myself.  To crawl my way out of the black tunnel that lives inside my mind and see with trusting eyes that God is here for us.  That he hasn’t left me or forsaken me that he loves me still. Because after receiving the unexpected news I stood in that car garage looking up and asking him why he hated me so much.  That it wasn’t good enough me and my sister’s didn’t get any justice but my daughter either.  What’s his plan in all this I don’t know but it goes one of two ways,  I trust him or I self destruct. I might not agree with his this all played out but I choose God, and one day I won’t be mad at him anymore.

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