Today is my first day of Therapy for the BPD, along with my first group. I’m nervous, i am scared and it is going to take everything in me to go. I don’t want this, and i am not ready to accept it. But in the same thought i don’t want to hurt my family and i just want to be happy. My stomach feels anxious and i am already ready for it to be over. 45 minutes and i have to leave work to go. On one hand i am excited i feel like i am one step closer to some kind of normal were feeling overwhelmed isn’t an every day thing. Where i am not hurt by everything that isn’t exactly how i would want it or do it. A day where my thought process doesn’t consist of how many people don’t like me or the feeling of not being good enough or my biggest most annoying symptom fear fear fear. What if this and what if that control at least 70 percent of my day. Creating scenarios that may accrue but never do over and over in my head like a broken CD.  Life is fckn hard and some days i really hate it, but it’s life and at least i am living. So many don’t get the chance i have i need to find gratitude for all things in my life. Gratitude equals peace and boy do i need that. The worst part of duel diagnosis is i never know if my meds stopped working for bipolar or if it’s BPD and all the crap that comes with that.  Today is the day i have wanted for the past two months some real clarity on Borderline Personality Disorder and how to begin coping with over active emotions aka emotionally unstable lunatic, haha wish me luck here goes nothing!! Find Strength find strength that’s what i am going to say the whole way there.

One thought on “Day one Therapy Time

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